Picture Time

I went out to the pier today after work and shot some pictures. Time for show & tell! Yay!

Screwed over & boredom strikes...

So the expression should be, "...all dolled up, and no where to be", however, tonight mine would go a little something more like this: "...all dolled up with somewhere to be, but no one to take me". I hate not being able to be entirely self-sufficient sometimes. Okay, no...I hate it all of the time! Independence is something I would consider to be one of my key traits, yet it happens to become one of my biggest pet-peeves when there happens to be a lack of that capability.

So here's the scoop behind my ranting and raving:

My roommate was leaving this weekend to go visit her boyfriend out on the East coast. I was very excited, both for her and for myself. She hasn't seen him in like 7 or 8 months, and that's just hard, but also because I had asked if I could borrow her car while she was gone. Twice during those conversations she had commented back as, "Yeah...of course you can". So, here I am, getting all excited because I'll, at least for one weekend, have the power to go where I want, and when I want, at no one else' expense. I would get to visit my boyfriend on my discretion without feeling like a bother, and I would just get a little taste of 100% freedom. This morning rolls around, and as she's walking out the door to go to the airport, I bid her goodbye, tell her I hope she has lots of fun, and ask where she left her keys. Her response went a little something like this, "Umm...Chey...I don't really feel comfortable with you taking my car". And that was it. No independence...no seeing the boyfriend without feeling like a burden, no car.

Okay...so I would have to find a ride tonight to my friends' gig that they were playing. Shouldn't be a problem seeing as how I have two other roommates that would most certainly be going, right? WRONG! I get home from work...no one's home, and 9 phone calls later, I still didn't (and don't) have a ride. Therefore, I got all dolled up and am currently sitting at home, alone, on a Friday night, while all (yes, ALL) of my friends are partying it up without me. And this is the result of my boredom:

Follow through...

"This is the start of something good... don't you agree? I haven't felt like this is in so many moons... you know what I mean?"

Today is the first day of freedom; the first day I won't chain myself down with worries and fears. I feel inspired and I want to let myself be inspired. I'm inspired to dance...inspired to write...inspired to love...inspired to live. I couldn't sit at work staring at a computer screen any longer. I was busy listening and getting lost in the lyrics of my music, and all I wanted to do was free my body and create, even if nothing solid. So, I left...I walked out early and went on my way through town and out to the ocean, the one place that clears my head, my heart, and my soul more than any other. Standing there taking in the smell of the ocean breeze, I suddenly had no cares in the world: no worries of who was watching me or what anyone would think, and more importantly, I didn't stand there ashamed of what I think of myself. I was simply me in the rawest of forms and I danced on the pier. Not only dance... I even began to choreograph, something which usually "scares me to death" and because of this is also something that never happens. I was overlooking the ocean rather that looking over my shoulder. I was moving rather than thinking, letting my body write the story to these words:

"They tell you where you need to go... tell you when you need to leave. They tell you what you need to know...tell you who you need to be. But everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard. There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words. And you're on fire when he's near you. You're on fire when he speaks. You're on fire burning at these mysteries.

Give me one more time around. Give me one more chance to see. Give me everything you are. Give me one more chance to be near you. Everything inside me looks like everything I hate. You are the hope I have for change. You are the only chance I'll take. When I'm on fire when you're near me. I'm on fire when you speak. I'm on fire fire burning at these mysteries.

I'm standing on the edge of me. I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before. I'm standing on the edge of me. I'm standing on the edge. And I'm on fire when you're near me. I'm on fire you speak. Burning at these mysteries . You're the mystery."

So there it is. This is something I'd like to continue. It's not a promise that I've said aloud to anyone. It is, instead, a hope that I've made for myself through thought and one that I've placed here.

"This is the start of something good... don't you agree? But you have to follow through, with every word you say..."